A Realistic Plan For World Peace

A while ago, Frank J. wrote an essay about his plan for world peace. I’ll give you a hint – it combines the capabilities and research of NASA with the products developed in the Manhattan Project.

But upon stumbling across this infograph, I believe I have found an even better solution. You see, nuking the moon is all well and good for intimidating terrorists, but it still leaves us with the problem of that giant monstrosity of a rock hanging over our heads, moving our large bodies of water at will and constantly causing people to turn into wolves for some unknown reason. How do we get rid of this unruly and presumptuous neighbor? That’s right, we destroy it with a planet-killing battle station!

Now, I know what those of you who like this idea are thinking; “We’ll never get the general public to agree to build something called the ‘Death’ Star.” You’re probably right. But, see, unlike Alderaan, there’s no life on the moon, so there’s really no need to call it the “Death” Star. Rather, since it would firmly establish world peace and get rid of a neighbor who has a Wilson-like tendency to hide his face from us, we could call it something more appropriate, like “Neighborhood Watch Planetoid of World Peace.” Doesn’t that roll off the tongue better than “Death Star”?

And I know some of you practically-minded folks are thinking; “Sure it’s a great idea, but nukes are cheap and plentiful (heck, if Second Wave could get their hands on one, why can’t we?) and this battle station sounds expensive.” Nonsense! I mean, yes, it will cost roughly $15,960,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 for the raw materials alone (excluding equipment), but I have personal assurances from President Obama that this will not add “one dime” to the deficit. In fact, not only will it get rid of our loony neighbor, but it will create and/or save thousands of jobs (Wookiee slave labor excepted, of course).

But there are probably some naysayers among you (and some non-equestrian pessimists as well) who are thinking about what the effects of such an explosion would be on our home planet. You’re probably thinking that there will be billions or trillions of meteorites laying waste to a large portion of the globe. I have a simple, two-part response to that concern:

1. We wait until the moon is over some place unimportant, like Antartica or the Ukraine (seriously, it just bugs me that that place is so hard to hold on to in Risk).
2. WHY ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT FREE MOON ROCKS?!

Clearly, my plan is the world’s best hope for world peace. So if you don’t support it, you’re just an ignorant peon bitterly clinging to your giant space-rock!

Your Tax Dollars At Work…

…studying ants and the effect of cocaine on monkeys.

It’s stimulus all right. If by “stimulus” you’re referring to the way cocaine “stimulates” a primate’s brain.

And, you know, when you’re accused of being a snob/elitist, giving $2000000 for studying ants probably ain’t the smartest thing.

Your Tax Dollars At Work…

Burn The Confederate Flag Day

So apparently a bunch of liberals are planning to burn the flag of the Confederacy on September 12th at their local tea parties. I joined their Facebook group momentarily and dropped this comment:

I’m just going to drop this comment and leave this group, since I don’t want something like this on my Facebook profile. You want to respond, message me or go here:
http://guffyconservative.wordpress.com/2010/08/05/burn-the-confederate-flag-day/

I’m assuming that by your intent to burn the Confederate flag you’re calling Tea Partiers racist. Well, ya’ll don’t know your history very well, do you?

Four of the Union states were slave states (Delaware, Maryland, Kentucky, and Missouri), although Maryland arguably doesn’t count because of the heavy Union military presence due to D.C.’s location (Delaware also wouldn’t count for obvious reasons in this case).

Black Americans fought on both sides of the Civil War. [edit I attached this website]

The Emancipation Proclamation, for some reason, was not given until well after the war had begun. The reason? Abolitionists may have played their part, but really it was just a political maneuver. It weakened the South through the obvious and is credited with preventing Britain siding with the Confederacy.

Despite the above, Lincoln is one of my favorite Presidents. Would that be true of a racist?

The Civil War had plenty of contributing factors. Whether or not slavery was outlawed wasn’t a big issue. The issue was whether the federal or state governments would outlaw slavery. There was also the matter of a state’s right to secede.

And before ya’ll start calling me a racist, let me tell ya’ll a little about myself:
-Multiple black (American) and African roommates and friends (just check the friends list on my profile [edit http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=130672693642828&v=wall#!/ncsuandrew])
-Indian adopted brother (http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=15086&id=1064715219&saved#!/profile.php?id=682838844&ref=ts)
-I’m going to Guatemala (Latin American nation) to help work on a school next week (and I’ve done so twice already).
-I voted for Alan Keyes in the ’08 presidential primary.

That all said, I understand the reasons motivating both sides in the Civil War, but I’d have to side with the Confederacy if forced to choose between the two.

IMAO I Don’t Want My Tax Dollars Going Towards Giving Monkeys Coke

Shouldn’t PETA be all over this or something?

If you’re wanting to know where that stimulus money is going, part of it is going to give cocaine to monkeys. So why is our hard earned money going to give cocaine to monkeys when there are so many people unemployed right now who couldn’t even dream of affording cocaine for themselves? Probably because there’s some other stimulus program to give cocaine to Congress. Or they just always take cocaine. Or they’re useless morons who take no thought to wastefully spending our money.

How does one even start a program like that? “I want to give cocaine to monkeys. Give me money so it can be all scientific and junk.” I hope a lot of that money goes to security, because the last think we need in this economy are coked-up monkeys running around the neighborhood who want nothing more than murder and bananas. I swear; the Obama administration won’t rest until we’re a third-world nation.

Chicago

I went to Chicago over the weekend. My church and many sister churches were part of the ICMC (International Campus Ministry Conference), where a bunch of college students get together and fellowship and learn stuff. On Friday, we had the HOPE “day of service” called “Lots of Change.” Basically, most of the students at the ICMC went around a rough Chicago neighborhood called Englewood and picked up a lot of trash.

Afterwards, we all met up at Sherman Park, had lunch, and listened to a few of the people who organized/sponsored Lots of Change give speeches. It was great and I got to hang out with some friends I haven’t seen in years, but there were two or three things that ticked me off (although this wasn’t a surprise; it is Chicago).

An Illinois state senator got up and gave a short speech. In it, he quoted MLK and, later, read a bit from one of the Corinthean books (he just said “Corintheans” without a number – and I think without a chapter or verse). Anyway, when he mentioned Corintheans, a bunch of students cheered a bit (we weren’t expecting a secular speaker to read from the Bible). He then destroyed any rapport he’d gained with us with a snide remark along these lines “So Corintheans gets applause and MLK doesn’t?”

That’s right, Mr. Senator. MLK was definitely a great guy and a historic figure, but there are two reasons we would honor Corintheans more than him.

1. Everyone and his dog quotes MLK. This is not a bad thing, but if people applauded every time MLK was quoted, we’d probably need new hands (evidenced by the fact that the speaker before him also quoted MLK).
2. Any true Christian would not put MLK on the same level as the apostles. And I really, really doubt MLK would put himself on the same level as them. He was a great orator and all, but the apostles had the explicit approval of the Lord.

At some point, Chicago’s mayor Richard Daley gave a speech. First of all, let me say that I’m automatically suspicious of anyone who’s held a position like mayor for over twenty years – be they hardcore conservative or super-green-hippie liberal. But more specifically, he brought two political issues into his speech that had no business there.

1. He spoke very passionately against the U.S. gun industry. He specifically mentioned an NRA rider on the Obamacare bill that prevents a gun owner’s insurance from going up or something if he accidentally shoots his neighbor’s kid.
2. He talked about how we need to stop the warmongers.

Let me first say that if that rider he mentioned is what he made it out to be, then I agree with him that it shouldn’t have been passed. That said, he had no business attacking the gun industry.

1. I’m sure he utilizes many guns indirectly. He’s a mayor! He’s got bodyguards, and there’s a large police force in his city. What does he think they use to defend folks? Archery?
2. Guns are no more evil than the Internet, or pencils, or hammers, or any other tool. And a mayor who’s probably (albeit unintentionally) helped the illegal gun industry a lot (by supporting gun bans) shouldn’t be criticizing the legitimate gun industry.
3. It isn’t the wisest thing to mention any political issue when you’re talking to folks from all over the country – and even some other countries. The majority of the guys staying in my hotel room were pretty ticked off by his comments.

When he talked about warmongers, I’m assuming he meant proponents of our military presence in the Middle East (he complained that we spend billions of dollars on our military overseas, but can’t spend the money to help people in Chicago’s low-class neighborhoods) or perhaps Republicans in general, since that is one of the Dem’s nicknames for the GOP.

1. I may not fully agree with the military’s actions, but you cannot deny the good we have done in Iraq, at least. You cannot honestly compare cleaning up trash to saving many lives from terrorism/militant fascism.
2. No one who spends their city’s money on “green” stuff has any right to complain about how the nation’s money is spent on the military (he was touted for his environmentalism, among other things, when he was introduced). Even if I thought “climate change” was a threat, I’d consider other things much more important (at least immediately so).
3. Maybe you ought to focus less on funneling money into the areas and more on convincing those who need help to help themselves. I’m not saying we shouldn’t do stuff like what we did at Lots of Change, but anything you do to help them like that is just a quick fix; a remedy for the symptoms. There were several people who came out and watched us pick up trash. They were nice and polite and all (and they thanked us, too), but why weren’t they cleaning up? This trash we picked up was usually on or near the sidewalk; a lot of it was in people’s own front yards! They just don’t care enough to clean it up. Until you fix that, the trash will just build up again. This principle transfers to more serious things, too. You could confiscate all the guns in Englewood (which had well over 100 homicides this past year), but until you get a stronger police presence (only so much police is good), or eliminate the desire to kill each other, or loosen gun control laws (enabling folks to defend themselves – the laws obviously aren’t stopping the violence), or some combination thereof, you’ll continue to have violence and they’ll just get replacements.

IMAO The Emperor’s New Jobs

The Emperor’s New Jobs

In Emperor Obama’s kingdom, there was a shortage of jobs. So Obama hired smart economists with degrees and stuff who sounded really super smart to get jobs. So they went to work making jobs, seizing all the assets of the land to spend on their schemes. Soon, the economists when to Obama and said, “We’ve saved and created many new jobs, but they’re completely invisible to dumb, racist teabaggers. So if you can’t see the jobs–”

“I can see the jobs!” Obama interrupted. “I’m smart! I can see millions of them!”

So Obama ran out to address his people. “I am happy to announce we’ve saved or created 3.6 million new jobs. That makes me the smartest emperor ever. And if it seems like we’ve only lost more jobs since I’ve went to work on the issue, that’s because the jobs are invisible to stupid people who are racist and stuff.”

A lone child then yelled out, “The Emperor has no jobs!” But no one could hear the child over everyone laughing at what a stupid dummy the Emperor was. And no one worried the Emperor would do anything to them because he was completely impotent.

THE END

obdaddy

I left a couple of comments on a YouTube video of the Alan Grayson thing and got suckered into a debate with this guy obdaddy. So far, we’ve gone back and forth on waterboarding, torture, religion, the media, Rush, Crowder, Obama, liberalism, conservatism, and a good bit more. Essentially, he’s a bitter middle-aged man who can’t send a message or leave a comment without being condescending (concerning our age gap), insulting people (“tea baggers”), or something of the like.

It’s almost funny how he calls me a “zombie” and a “sheep” when he regurgitates (or at least appears to) stuff I’ve heard many, many times. Let’s just go through a quick rundown of some of what he’s said to me.

• He really harped on Rush being a druggie, despite me trying to explain that Rush got hooked on what was originally necessary medicine (or as necessary as painkillers can be). He also consistently ignored the fact that Rush kicked the drug.
• He told me to stop mindlessly listening to Hannity, Beck, and the like. I told him I’ve watched Hannity maybe three times and I’ve never even heard or watched Beck, or any of a number of other people he mentioned. He proceeded to call me a liar. To which I say, why would I lie about something like that? I told him I listen to Rush! Why wouldn’t I “admit” to listening to Beck or Hannity if I did? It makes no sense to me.
• He said that waterboarding is torture because the waterboard-ee doesn’t know that it’s relatively harmless. So, apparently, we’re now allowing the ignorance (or lack thereof) of terrorists to dictate what we define as torture.
• He accused me of being in a cult when I said I believe that the overwhelming majority of “Christians” are not Christians at all. However, I gave him specific Biblical reasons for this. He replied by saying that not everyone believes the Bible. To which I said that that doesn’t matter! Do you have to believe the Qur’an in order to use it to determine whether or not someone’s a Muslim? No.
• He called pretty much every sort of media “snake oil salesman” (Rush, ESPN, liberal news, Disney, etc.), apparently because their motivation is selling adspace and stuff. I’ve asked him if he hates capitalism or something, but no response to that yet.
• He says that I’m just a young idealist who’ll learn better as I grow. Does that ring just plain false with anyone else? Let’s see, the demographics show that a much bigger proportion of middle-aged people are conservative compared to the number of college students who are conservative. Seems to me that it is far more likely that my peers will grow to be conservatives, rather than us few conservatives growing to be liberals.
• He essentially called liberalism the ideal of being benevolent, of helping society’s weak and claimed that conservatives construe health care for all as “evil.” I asked him what he, personally, does to help society’s weak and gave a few examples of what I’ve done, pointing out that liberals would actually have laws passed forcing others to care for society’s weak, rather than caring for them themselves. He hasn’t yet cited a single thing he’s done to care for the weak. He also told me not to try and pass off missionary work as anything other than condescending and rude. Someone’s got to explain that one to me.
• He said Tea Partiers are racist and hateful but has yet to supply a single example (although I did ask). He claims he’s not calling me racist but says I “protest too much” when I gave him the short version of what’s in my letter to Janeane Garofalo.

Any thoughts?

New Thought On Social Healthcare

A couple of weeks ago, Rush mentioned Obama’s plans for universal healthcare in one of his monologues. He elaborated with an idea I hadn’t really thought of, though I now feel pretty stupid for not thinking of it. Let’s put aside the whole debate of socialism versus capitalism for a moment. Let’s assume that this God-given life-saving universal health care system won’t destroy modern medicine and kill the old, the weak, and the taxpayer. Let’s pretend that nationalized health care itself isn’t the near-epitome of a government drunk with power. Let’s look at one particular aspect: a revenue machine.

If the government owns the healthcare industry, people are going to go to doctors and such much more often and for much more insignificant things because it’s “free.” This increases the government’s costs. Now, let’s assume for the moment that the government cares about budgeting. It’s going to have to cut costs. So how do you discourage people from visiting the doctor without charging them for it? You charge for the cause. Tax white-water rafting. Tax skydiving. Tax driving. Tax anything and everything that puts someone in a possibly risky or unhealthy situation. Tax being old. Tax drinking alcohol (more, I mean). Tax any and every drug with significant side effects. Tax sports. Tax lawn-mowing. And as the government realizes what a fortune it’s making, it’ll tax anything remotely connected to health. The specific result I’m trying to get at here is this: manual work will be taxed more.

Think about it, who’s more of a burden to healthcare? The guy who presses buttons for a living or the guy who walks on skinny beams five stories in the air or who repairs busy highways for a living? What you end up with is the “common man” being taxed just for being blue-collar. Now, I’ve been told time and time again that the GOP is the “party of the rich.” Personally, I don’t think you can be a national political party of import without wealthy supporters, so there’s no such thing as a “party of the rich,” be it Democrat or Republican. But how can Democrats claim to be for the regular guy when they support this idea that will kill them, either physically (it is healthcare, after all) or fiscally?

Just another hypocrisy on the political scene.

Wanda Sykes @ WHCD – Response Part 2

Rush refused to acknowledge this woman’s comments any more than absolutely necessary, saying that people like her are “a dime a dozen.” I don’t really disagree, but I’ve got nothing better to blog on politically, so here goes:

And I keep getting asked the same question, ‘Are you nervous? Are you nervous?’ With this administration, what is there to be nervous about? If I do a good job, I get great press. If I screw it up royally, Tim Geightner’d give me a bonus! But I understand because it’s hard to poke fun at the President, because he’s so likable! Everybody likes him. There’s T-Shirts and bumper stickers. Listening to the radio and people are dedicating songs. ‘I’d like to send out ‘Always and Forever’ to Mr. President.’

What is there to be nervous about? Plenty, but let’s not get into that. I thought the Tim Geightner line was good. Now here’s where the butt-kissing and complete lack of logic begin to set in. She says it’s hard to poke fun at the President because he’s so likable. Two problems with this. First, he is Barack Hussein Obama! Aside from Biden, he’s probably the easiest political identity on the scene in America to make fun of! I’ve got a whole page devoted to his gaffes!

But more importantly, that “because he’s so likable” thing is pure idiocy! I make fun of a lot of people in my personal life. With one possible exception, I’m friends with all of them. The overwhelming majority of them are “likable.” That’s why I can poke fun at them, because they’re likable! It’s when someone isn’t likable that you have difficulty poking fun at them (at least to their face, which is what we’re talking about here).

And then she goes on to talk about how everyone likes him because of T-Shirts and bumper stickers and the like. She hangs out in blue states and sees lots of Obama stuff. Imagine that! In the red states, there’s a lot of stuff (not as much, McCain wasn’t nearly as conservative as Obama is liberal, so less concrete support, etc.) that’s for McCain, but not everybody loves McCain, obviously. And I’ll bet that there were people dedicating songs to Bush way back when, and I never really would’ve said that everybody liked Bush, except for the first few months after 9/11.

People love you and even the media! You guys have been very favorable towards the President. It’s funny to me that they’ve never caught you smoking,

“Even the media”?! Are you freaking kidding me?! We conservatives are ridiculed for claiming that the media is so liberal-biased when FOX exists and so on, but we have it here from the horse’s mouth! What do you mean, “even the media?” The media were the first ones to hop on the Obamatrain! And I second her take on the fact that the media’s never caught him smoking. How could they not? I just did a Google Image search for “Obama Smoking” and found tons of hits. Some are, no doubt, Photoshopped, but how come I haven’t seen a single clip of him smoking on CNN or FOX or MSNBC or any of the other networks? Granted, I don’t watch them often, but I certainly got more than my fill of Obama coverage last fall.

But that’s the thing about you, sir. You’re so likable because you’re so accessible, playing basketball. I bet you rappers even give you their demo, ‘Hey, can you get this to Jay Z. for me?’ And you’re taking the First Lady out on dates. I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised if I walked past the White House and see you out there mowing the lawn. Don’t let him get a John Deere, please.

I don’t mind politicians like Obama putting on these shows of normalcy. It’s a necessary evil of politics. But, can I just ask when he has time to be president between the basketball games, the dates, and, most importantly, his constant additions to the new series Obama: The Most Common TV Guest? And the day Obama’s out mowing the lawn with a John Deere is the day I seriously reconsider my desire to own one of those hats.

And you just hang out, you – and I think you hang out too much. What was that, you and Joe Biden out getting hamburgers. The two of you can’t hang out together! Whose idea was that, Nancy Pelosi’s? Man. Man. ‘Why don’t you boys go out and get a bite?’ You know she was a Hillary supporter, what’s wrong with you? Oh, and God forbid if Joe Biden falls in the hands of a terrorist. God forbid if there’s ever a hostage situation. We’re done. Oh, they won’t even have to torture him! All they have to do is go ‘How’s it going, Joe?’ He come out with stacks of information. ‘What’d you do, did you waterboard him?’ ‘No, I just said ‘Nice weather’ and he’s still talking! I can’t listen to him anymore! It’s like torture!’

I’m not really sure how Sykes meant the first half of this. But I have a few ideas. First, it’s bad for Obama to be seen with Biden for reasons related to the latter’s intelligence and speaking abilities. Second, Pelosi wants something bad to happen to them because she was a Hillary supporter. Third, and most likely, if Obama and Biden are together, that increases the risk of them being taken out at the same time. If that were to happen, Pelosi would become President. I get chills in my spine just thinking about it. All the liberalness of Obama without any of the incompetence and not nearly as much humor.

And see, if you guys are running out like that, that’s why there’s the Secret Service, man, come on. You guys gotta stay on point, all right? You gotta step up your game. You may be a little nervous when those shoes got past you. They’re throwing shoes at Bush, maybe you’re a little nervous, but I did speak to the head of the Secret Service and, to their defense, he told me that, ‘We just don’t know how much footwear they stocked.’

Joke about the shoe thing if you want. After all, it is one of the funniest political “events” in recent history. But don’t make fun of the Secret Service for it. That’s like making fun of the military for any “failures.” Now, as I’ve said before, I don’t approve of Christians joining the military for a variety of reasons I’d be happy to discuss with anyone who’s interested. But I don’t make fun of them, and would never do so. (Oh, by the way, that “don’t approve” thing doesn’t extend to the Secret Service). These guys are working hard trying to keep people alive who they may or may not approve of or have voted for. My friend’s dad is the head of communications or something at the White House (Secret Service). And, in case you’re wondering, he didn’t drink the Kool-Aid. But he’s still hard at work keeping Obama alive. I guess what I’m saying is that they’re politically neutral. Leave them out of it.

I gotta say this about President Bush, man, he knows how to leave town, right? Never heard anything from him. He’s just quiet. He left like that house guest who breaks something in your house – They hurry up and get out of there before you find out. You look at your beautiful vase. You’re like ‘What the ****? Who broke my vase?’ And I gotta say, he broke a lot of stuff, sir. He broke a lot of stuff. I mean, you thought you were find a new home. You got a fixer-upper, huh?

I feel like a broken record responding to this anti-Bush fanaticism, but here we go. Former President Bush is doing what a former president is supposed to do. We have a new president, and the old one’s supposed to leave everything to him. That’s exactly what Bush is doing. As for him not saying anything, can you blame him? Every time he opened his mouth, even if he didn’t say anything wrong or stupid, the media and the Democrats unleashed their attack dogs on him, unless he was rolling over for them. He still said what he had to because that was his duty as President. But now that the responsibility’s gone, why should he risk further ridicule? Unlike Cheney, he doesn’t really stand for much in the way of conservatism, so what reason does he have to stay on the scene?

I agree with Wanda Sykes that Bush broke a lot of stuff. Not nearly as much as she’s probably talking about, but a lot. Mostly, that took the form of over-the-top spending. And you can’t criticize Bush for that (those of us who were against it can, but Sykes can’t), especially since Obama’s doing “more of the same” or, more accurately lots and lots more of the same. Yes, Bush broke a lot, but Obama would’ve done more and continues to doe so.

And there’s a lot of things that need to be fixed. And you’re trying to help and I’m amazed that there’s some people who won’t even allow you to help. Like what’s up with all these governors not wanting to take the money? Who turns down money? Maybe you should get Opra to give it away. Opra’s like ‘Okay, Governors. Look under your seats!’

Yes, there are a lot of things that need to be fixed, but Obama’s doing the exact opposite of what needs to be done to fix them! He needs to cut taxes and spending. Instead, he’s raising both. How can you attack Bush for something and then turn around and praise Obama for the same thing?! And as for the governors. “Who turns down money?” Any honest person turns down dishonest money. To use your own analogy from later in the speech, Ms. Sykes, it’s like robbing a bank and then being incredulous when one of the clerks refuses to accept the money (personally). Any honest governor will accept only the amount of money that they paid for (i.e. if they pay 3% of national taxes, accept only 3% of the bailout money). And that’s hard to do, so a really honest (and cautious) governor just decides not to accept any of what is, in effect, money stolen from posterity. And no self-respecting governor should take political advice of any kind from Opra.

I know Governor Palin – she’s not here tonight. She pulled out at the last minute. Somebody should tell her ‘That’s not really how you practice abstinence.’ Shutup, you’re gonna be telling that one tomorrow. Shutup. And these things, the states – they need the money. They need the money. Especially the school system. I’m so happy that you’re doing something about education and you wanna pay our teachers more. Because our teachers are grossly underpaid. That’s right. Pay the teachers more money. Maybe then they’ll stop sleeping with the students. You’ll tell that one, too. I’m telling you.

So you’re making fun of a politician for not attending an event that she knows is going to be all about praising a man largely responsible for the mountain of public embarrassment and ridicule she’s suffered in the past year? And as for abstinence (since I get the feeling she’s making fun of that, too), it is, as I and many, many others have said time and time again, FOOLPROOF! You cannot get pregnant (or get someone pregnant) if you abstain. Her daughter’s pregnancy is her daughter’s failure to practice abstinence. It is arguably the governor’s failure as a parent. But it is not a failure of abstinence. So stop making fun of the practice. I’ve been practicing it for 19 years and guess what? I haven’t gotten anyone pregnant! Imagine that!

Yes, the states do need the money, but where do you think the money comes from? The states, of course! You’re just moving money around, you’re not actually giving any money to anyone, so stop acting like you are!

I don’t know the specifics of whatever Obama’s supposedly doing to help education, but let’s say he is giving the teachers more money. Ms. Sykes, that’s a great thing. Teachers are certainly underpaid. But you don’t increase spending in any area unless you raise taxes or cut spending in another area. And while raising taxes is a fiscally responsible thing to do, it’s economically stupid! The only sensible option for paying the teachers more is to take it from places that need less money, like Global Whining research or building some obscure pathways in parks (bet you didn’t know that was in the “stimulus”) or, God forbid!, cutting the pay of Congressman and women and the President. It’s not like they don’t have enough money from their own endevours, and it’s certainly not like they earn the money they are paid.

How can you support teachers in one breath and insult them in the next? You ought to be ashamed. We’ve had a few incidents of teachers sleeping with students, to be sure, but those teachers are in the vast minority! The other teachers don’t deserve to be ridiculed and insulted (certainly not in such a public manner) because of the actions of a relatively tiny group. And I can’t understand why you’d make fun of them in the first place for something like that. They’re on your side! Most teachers are strongly liberal! You’re just not making any sense!

Tax problems, man. Everybody’s complaining about taxes. Nobody wants to pay their taxes. Everybody’s complaining about ‘Don’t raise taxes!’ and wanna increase taxes. And, me, I don’t mind paying my fair share. I gladly pay my fair share. But a lot of people, they’re just have problems with it. And I see – you go dinners like this and fancy occasions and even fundraising events. You see people shelling out big money for charity dinners, like two thousand dollars a plate or something – I think it’s not the problem that people don’t like writing a check. I think they just like to dress up. So maybe next April 15, you have like a big tax ball. Give everybody some champaigne. Bring Rascal Flatts in; have it at the convention center. You see people getting all ready for – girls getting their nails done. ‘What are you doing, girl?’ ‘I’m going to pay my taxes!’

Do you want to know why everyone’s complaining about their taxes? Because it’s ridiculous! A good chunk of the reason for the Revolutionary War was taxation without representation. And despite MASSIVE public outcry, Congress OKs spending that will, as all deficit spending does, lead to higher taxes! My parents don’t have a lot of money to spare, and their taxes are “going up” as it is, with me becoming to old for the credit a couple years back and my brother and sister getting too old this year, and my other sister turning 17 next year. That means, over the course of three years, their taxes are increasing by $4000 per year, and your “Messiah” wants to tax them more!

And despite your ilk’s constant protests that Obama isn’t a socialist, you seem to like some very socialistic ideas. I mean, the concept of paying taxes being a “fun” thing! We pay our taxes when required by law, isn’t that enough?! And as for the whole charity thing, you can’t compare charities and paying taxes! Charities pay for medical research, education for the impoverished, food for the impoverished, and so on. Taxes pay for salaries of politicians, research into environmental hoaxes, subsidies to keep worthless companies afloat, and so on. True, some “charities” are about environmental research and such, but the people who contribute to those sorts of charities are probably people who don’t have a problem with Obama raising taxes, anyway.

And how would you pay for such a ball? Raising taxes even more, right? I doubt that would have the desired effect.

And the First Lady. Beautiful as always. Look very nice. And I – and how dare you people give her grief about baring her arms? The country is broke, all right? Sleeves cost money. And you have lovely arms. So, I’m glad you’re showing off your arms. That’s right. That’s why, also, you let some of these little floozies out here know. You can try some funny business if you want to, but you gonna get one of these babies around your neck! You have beautiful arms. Some of the previous First Ladies – they needed sleeves. Some of them needed ponchos. Good grief. I didn’t name any names!

I think Sykes unintentionally hit the nail on the head regarding Michelle’s character here. That concept of her strong arming her opponents isn’t too far from the truth. And those remarks about previous First Ladies were appalling. Maybe you didn’t name any names, but we can guess pretty accurately who you’re talking about. Republican First Ladies. It’s not enough that you ridicule and belittle their husband’s work and character. It’s not enough that liberal sympathizers sleep during the funeral of the most popular president of all time (excepting Washington). You have to attack the appearance of people who aren’t even holding office!

But, you do need to keep your arms to yourself, sometimes. Yeah. Went over to London, touching the Queen. You can’t do that! You over there, patting the Queen on the back like she just slid into home plate. ‘Way to go, Queen!’ And whose idea was it to give the Queen an iPod? What an aweful gift! Your – his idea? What’s she gonna do? Download ‘Lady Gaga’? What are you going to give the Pope? A BlueTooth? You should’ve given the Queen something, you know, like a momento of our country. Something that says ‘America,’ you know. Give her Texas. And I think they – to the First Lady, kudos to you for unveiling the bust of Sojourner Truth in the White House. That is – yes. And could you do me a favor and please make sure it’s nailed down well? Because when the next white guy comes in, they’re gonna move it to the kitchen. So…

Right on about touching the Queen and giving her an iPod. But I don’t think it’s the silly little mistake Sykes seems to be trying to make it out to be. That’s a serious breech of protocol and is indicative of a character that doesn’t care about our allies.

As for the Sojourner Truth thing, I couldn’t quite remember exactly what role she played in the whole slavery thing, so I looked her up on Wikipedia. She did a lot of good, but I’m not sure I’d want the bust of a women in my house who flashed a crowd publically. And how is that “white guy” comment anything less than racist? That’s no less racist than a white person saying the next black guy to come by is going to steal something!

But, Mr. President, you’ve had your fair share of critics. I – even Senator McCain. Senator McCain gave you grief about the new helicopters that you didn’t order. I think Mr. McCain was just a little bitter because he wanted to be in the new helicopters. But I’m gonna tell Mr. McCain, ‘I’m sure if you ask nicely, your wife will buy you a helicopter.’

I don’t know anything about this helicopter business, but are presidential candidates no longer allowed to criticize their (former) opponents, who make manifest a set of ideas partially or wholly opposite to their own?

Rush Limbaugh, one of your big critics, boy, Rush Limbaugh said he hopes this administration fails. So you’re saying ‘I hope America fails.’ You’re like ‘I don’t care about people losing their homes or jobs or our soldiers in Iraq.’ He just wants the country to fail. To me, that’s treason! He’s not saying anything differently than what Osama Bin Laden is saying. You might wanna look into this, sir, because I think maybe Rush Limbaugh was the twentieth hijacker but he was so strung out on Oxycontin he missed his flight. Too much? Oh. Rush Limbaugh. ‘I hope the country fails.’ I hope his kidneys fail! How about that? He needs a little waterboarding, that’s what he needs.

Rush isn’t going to respond, eh? Well, I will. Fact: “Rush Limbaugh said he hopes this administration fails.” Fact: Rush was very clear and specific about what he meant by that. Falsehood: “So you’re saying ‘I hope America fails.’ You’re like ‘I don’t care about people losing their homes or jobs or our soldiers in Iraq.’” He said quite the opposite. He said he hopes America succeeds and that’s why he wants Obama to fail. And that whole next sentence is just foolishness. He doesn’t care about soldiers in Iraq? Then why does he have the “Adopt-a-Soldier” program on the home page of his website?! That’s more than I can say for Obama. The best he’s done is (I know he’s not directly responsible for this) be in office when the DHS releases a report warning about veterans!

And how is saying you want one man and his cronies to fail the same as saying you want roughly 300 million people to die?! Because that’s what Bin Laden wants. And bringing up the Oxycontin thing is low on so many counts. First, I notice you don’t mention Obama’s alcohol, marijuana, and cocaine uses and barely mention his tobacco use. Second, I admire Rush a lot for the Oxycontin thing because, unlike some people (*cough* Obama *cough*), he had the self-control and fortitude to deal with the addiction and recover from it. You might say “Well, Obama isn’t doing those other things, either.” Two problems with that. First, Obama is still a smoker, but so is Rush, so I won’t go into that. Second, Obama got into hard drugs and eventually quit. Rush, on the other hand, was taking pain medication, and got addicted to that. He wasn’t “doing drugs.” He was taking meds and got addicted to them. Would you ridicule Harry from Jump Street for getting addicted to his pain meds?

So Limbaugh’s not allowed to say he wants a person to fail, but you’re allowed to say you want a person to die? How hypocritical. And since Rush is such a great leader in America, and since you’re talking death, not failure, I’d say you’re a lot closer to sympathizing with Osama than Rush is. As a matter of fact, I bet Osama would be a lot happier if Rush died than if Obama did, though I’m sure he’d like Biden as president, too.

Sean Hannity. Sean Hannity said he was going to get waterboarded for charity, for armed forces. He hasn’t done it, yet. Talk about taking waterboarding. Please. Yeah, okay, you may get waterboarded by someone you know or trust, but let somebody from Pakistan waterboard or Keith Olbermann. Let Keith Olbermann waterboard. He can’t take a waterboarding. I can break Sean Hannity just by giving him a middle seat in coach. Oh, I need leg room!

I notice that you, Ms. Sykes, have never been waterboarded. So you’re hardly in a position to criticize. And I’m afraid I just don’t understand the whole needing leg room thing. How is that breaking someone?

Dick Cheney. Oh my – he’s a scary man. I would – scares me to death. I tell my kids; I say ‘Look. If two cars pull up, one has a stranger, and the other car has Dick Cheney, you get in the car with the stranger!’ Dick Cheney is trying to defend torture. Trying to defend torture! He goes, well, ‘They should release the memos to show the good information we got from our practices.’ You can’t defend torture! That’s like me robbing a bank and then going in front of the judge and saying ‘Yes, your honor. I robbed the bank, but look at all these bills I paid.’

Dick Cheney is a scary man in some ways. Good for him. We need a few more intimidating people, particularly in conservatism. Cheney is not trying to defend torture. Waterboarding is not torture. I’ve got a lot of arguments for this, but for now, I’ll just mention one I got from Crowder. We waterboard our own troops as a part of training! So are we torturing these troops?

And your analogy is totally off, Ms. Sykes. It’d be a little more like robbing the Mafia and using the money to cure cancer. Terrorists are not law-abiding folks and American lives are not bills to be paid.

And finally, so, they’re even giving you grief about the dog – about Bo. The animal rights people are on you ‘Why didn’t you get a rescued dog? Why didn’t he get a rescued dog?’ Look, the man has to rescue a country that’s been abused by its previous owner. Let him have a fresh start with the dog. Thank you all very much. Good night.

Not being an extreme liberal hippie, I don’t much care about Bo. But I don’t like this whole “previous owner” business. That draws a disturbing parallel. The president is not the owner of the country. (S)He’s its caretaker and protector. And Bush abused America less in his eight years than Obama has abused it in the first few months in office.

Well, that’s all I’ve got. I have a feeling this is all a lot of wasted “breath,” but so what?