Archive for the ‘Ridicule’ Category
Posted by guffyconservative on 08/04/2010
Laugh. Laugh, dang it!
Obama was blaming the Republicans again. At a fundraiser, he compared the country to a car the Republicans drove into a ditch and then he got it out of the ditch and now Republicans want the keys back. That’s kind of odd; I don’t know how many people total a car trying to get it out of a ditch.
Anyway, here’s how I remember things. I’m not sure how we got in the ditch, but I remember Reid and Pelosi were in the front seat grasping at the wheel. And then Obama came along and said, “I’ll get us out of the ditch. It will cost $100,000.”
And we were like, “That’s crazy. That’s way too much.”
And Obama said, “Too bad. You don’t have any choice to pay it! Now I better get to work.” So he started smashing the car with a sledgehammer while yelling, “Get out of the ditch! Get out of the ditch!” He completely totaled the thing, but eventually a piece of the car landed outside of the ditch and he was like, “There. I got it out of the ditch.”
And we said, “All you did was cost us a lot of money and make things worse!”
And Obama was like, “Are you saying I don’t know how to get a car out of ditch because I’m black?”
I don’t like telling people what to do, but I wouldn’t use that auto service again.
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Posted in Frank J, IMAO, Obama, Re-Posts, Ridicule, Spending | Leave a Comment »
Posted by guffyconservative on 07/29/2010
Obama is so useless and ineffective as president that…:
…even though he was elected for very little more than just his attitude and looks, he’s still not even close to winning hottest head of state. He’s really useless in every conceivable way.
…the turkey he pardoned immediately went back to doing the same crimes that got it sentenced to execution in the first place.
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Posted in Favorite Quotes, Frank J., IMAO, Obama, Obama is so useless..., Ridicule | Tagged: (as, (he, and, attitude, …even, …the, Back, close, conceivable, conservative, crimes, doing, elected, even, Every, execution, First, Fleming, for, frank, frank j, Got, guffy, guffyconservative, head, he’s, his, hottest, IMAO, immediately, in, ineffective, is, It, Just, Little, looks, More, not, Obama, of, pardoned, place, president, really, same, sentenced, so, state, still, than, that, that…:, the, though, to, turkey, useless, very, Was, way, went, winning | Leave a Comment »
Posted by guffyconservative on 07/28/2010
I made this post a while back, but I guess I never hit “Publish”:
By Frank J.:
Obama has been a huge sissy lately with his dithering on foreign affairs and his constant whining about FOX News, but it could be worse. I’ve come up with ten ways that Obama could actually be an even bigger sissy:
TOP TEN WAYS OBAMA COULD BE EVEN SISSIER
10. Starts riding a Segway everywhere.
9. Becomes distressed by the mean things said on FOX News but also on FOX by the character House.
8. Appoints a pickle-jar-opening czar.
7. All his meetings with foreign leaders become nothing but crying and hugging.
6. Newest public address is his shortest ever: Just the words, “Stop being so mean to me!” before running away crying.
5. He constantly becomes publicly bossed around by his puppy Bo.
4. Always has to excuse himself for a new pair of pants when someone mentions Cheney’s disagreements with him.
3. He finds out how good he looks in sequins.
2. Declares Saw VI “too scary” and thus “not a real horror movie.”
And the number one way Obama could be even sissier…
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Posted in Favorite Quotes, Frank J, Frank J., IMAO, Obama, Re-Posts, Ridicule, Top Ten | Tagged: "Publish": By, (he, 10., 2, 3, 4, 5, 6., 7, 8, 9., A, about, actually, address, affairs, all, also, Always, an, and, Appoints, around, away, “not, “Stop, “too, Back, be, become, Becomes, been, before, being, bigger, bo, bossed, but, by, character, Cheney’s, come, conservative, constant, constantly, could, crying, czar., declares, disagreements, distressed, dithering, even, ever, everywhere, excuse, finds, Fleming, for, foreign, fox, frank, frank j, good, guess, guffy, guffy conservative, has, him, himself, his, hit, horror, house, how, huge, hugging., I, I’ve, IMAO, in, is, It, J., Just, lately, Leaders, looks, Made, me!”, mean, meetings, mentions, movie.”, never, new, Newest, news, nothing, number, Obama, of, on, one, out, pair., pants, pickle-jar-opening, post, public, publicly, puppy, real, riding, running, said, Saw, scary”, Segway, sequins., shortest, SISSIER, sissier…, sissy, so, someone, Starts, ten, that, the, things, This, thus, to, top, Up, VI, way, ways, when, While, whining, With, words, worse. | Leave a Comment »
Posted by guffyconservative on 07/26/2010
The Emperor’s New Jobs
In Emperor Obama’s kingdom, there was a shortage of jobs. So Obama hired smart economists with degrees and stuff who sounded really super smart to get jobs. So they went to work making jobs, seizing all the assets of the land to spend on their schemes. Soon, the economists when to Obama and said, “We’ve saved and created many new jobs, but they’re completely invisible to dumb, racist teabaggers. So if you can’t see the jobs–”
“I can see the jobs!” Obama interrupted. “I’m smart! I can see millions of them!”
So Obama ran out to address his people. “I am happy to announce we’ve saved or created 3.6 million new jobs. That makes me the smartest emperor ever. And if it seems like we’ve only lost more jobs since I’ve went to work on the issue, that’s because the jobs are invisible to stupid people who are racist and stuff.”
A lone child then yelled out, “The Emperor has no jobs!” But no one could hear the child over everyone laughing at what a stupid dummy the Emperor was. And no one worried the Emperor would do anything to them because he was completely impotent.
THE END
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Posted by guffyconservative on 10/23/2009
I'm in your white house, stealing your rights.
.
My human is retarded.
.
Investigate 9/11. Ok, I investigated. It's 0.81818181818181
.
Dude! Where's my coke?
.
Your chin has a flavor. nom nom nom
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Look! Requests for bailouts!
.
Mr. Articulate has a broken teleprompter.
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Change-O-Rama
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Experience. More. More. Less. More. More.
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This beats going to Grandma's funeral.
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It says it's blackberry flavor. It's allowed to say that?
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I connect with voters.
.
Can I have apple? I'll share it with poor people. Promise!
.
I'll do a magic trick. The Constitution will disappear!
Disclaimer: Not all views expressed in featured photos are necessarily those of SCAAC or its author(s). Keep in mind that these are jokes and not to be taken seriously by anyone.
Contribution: If you have a picture you’d like to submit for posting, email it to guffyconservative@gmail.com or leave a link in the comments.
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Posted in Humor, IMAO, LOL Obama, Lolbama, Obama, Ridicule | Tagged: arrogant, arrogant opinion, barack, barack h obama, barack hussein obama, barack obama, Bible, bomber, By The Bible, caption, captioned, captions, christian, conservative, dem, democrats, dems, demz, Fleming, for, frank, frank j, Frank J. Fleming, guffy, guffy conservative, guffychristian, guffyconservative, harvey, hussein, IMAO, imao.us, in my arrogant opinion, Islam, laugh, laugh out loud, limbaugh, lol, LOL Obama, lol terizt, lol terizts, lol terrorist, LOL Terrorists, Lolbama, loldem, loldemz, Lolterizt, lolz, loud, michael, michael limbaugh, monkey, muslim, muslims, nobama, Obama, opinion, out, p4p, pic, pics, picture, pictures, pix, practice, president, president barack, president barack hussein obama, president barack obama, president obama, programming, Programming 4 Practice, programming for practice, sarah, sarah k, sarahk, space, spacemonkey, suicde bomber, suicide, terizt, terizts, terrorism, terrorist, terrorists, The Bible | Leave a Comment »
Posted by guffyconservative on 10/22/2009
Sarah Connor?
.
Spot the retard.
Disclaimer: Not all views expressed in featured photos are necessarily those of SCAAC or its author(s). Keep in mind that these are jokes and not to be taken seriously by anyone.
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Posted by guffyconservative on 10/21/2009
Light from Obama shine on all of us!
.
Vulcan Salute. FAIL!
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Posted in Biden, Humor, IMAO, LOL Obama, LOL Terrorists, Lolbama, Lolterizt, Obama, Ridicule | Tagged: barack, barack h obama, barack hussein obama, barack obama, Bible, Biden, bomber, By The Bible, caption, captioned, captions, christian, conservative, dem, democrats, dems, demz, fail, for, guffy, guffy conservative, guffychristian, guffyconservative, hussein, Islam, joe, joe biden, joey, laugh, laugh out loud, light, light from obama, limbaugh, lol, LOL Obama, lol terizt, lol terizts, lol terrorist, LOL Terrorists, Lolbama, loldem, loldemz, Lolterizt, lolz, loud, michael, michael limbaugh, muslim, muslims, nobama, Obama, out, p4p, pic, pics, picture, pictures, pix, practice, president, president barack, president barack hussein obama, president barack obama, president obama, programming, Programming 4 Practice, programming for practice, salute, suicde bomber, suicide, terizt, terizts, terrorism, terrorist, terrorists, The Bible, v.p., vice, vice president, vice president biden, vice president joe biden, vp, vp biden, vp joe biden, vulcan, vulcan salute, vulcan salute fail | Leave a Comment »
Posted by guffyconservative on 10/20/2009
Another parody I wrote (no need to fear this one actually getting sung; no guy in my family can sing).
To the tune of Beer For My Horses:
Joey, man, come on. The mainstream news
Says we’re really hot. They don’t have any clue.
My buddy blew up a building.
My buddy says I’m a star.
My buddy got away.
My buddy didn’t go too far. Yeah.
He didn’t go too far.
.
Grandpappy told my pappy “Back in my day, son
A man didn’t lie ’bout the fightin’ he’d done,
Didn’t promise hope to us,
Not to you or me, round up all of them bad boys,
Make them part of his team. Don’t make them part of your team.
.
‘Cuz substance is the one thing you will never find
If you promise hope ‘n change without them being defined.”
When those ballots settle they’ll sing a victory tune
If ACORN don’t register any loons.
We’ll raise up our glasses against U.S. forces,
Singing “We’re not liable for none of our choices.”
.
Not enough thugs doin’ dirty deeds.
Too many objects to slaking my greed.
It’s time the long arm of the law shut Rush Limbaugh down!
It’s time the great Fairness Doctrine came back around.
You can bet we’ll shut him down.
.
‘Cuz substance is the one thing they will never find
Since we promise hope ‘n change without them being defined.
When those ballots settle they’ll sing a victory tune
If ACORN don’t register any loons.
We’ll raise up our glasses against U.S. forces,
Singing “We’re not liable for none of our choices.”
Singing “We’re not liable for none of our choices.”
The irony is that Toby Keith is a Democrat.
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Posted by guffyconservative on 10/20/2009
Why People Hate Barack Obama? (Harvey):
“He has big, flapping, sticky-out chimp ears, but I’m not allowed to CALL them “chimp” ears, because that’s [mocking, high-pitched voice] ‘raaaacist!‘”
“For the same reason I hated Bill Clinton – he married a bitter, shrewish harridan who is unencumbered by even a tincture of fashion sense.”
“His communications director can call Mao a ‘political philosopher’ with a straight face.”
“I just can’t forgive Obama for saying that slavery had its merits. I mean, I understand he was speaking off the cuff and was just trying to make a larger point and everyone gaffes once in a while, but [edit]… there IS a line, dude.” For the record, this is a play on the fake Limbaugh quotes. Obama did not actually say this, so calm down and take a chill pill if you’re a liberal. If you’re a conservative, you can quit the laughing just a tad. On second thought, don’t.
“He’s a [censored] socialist.”
Why Do I Hate Obama? (Frank J.):
“He’s always playing his loud music late at night.”
“He eats babies.”
“He’s always mixing up ‘imply’ and ‘infer’.”
“There’s strong suspicion he’s a serial killer.”
“His voice is kinda nasally.”
“He doesn’t even try to hide his worship of Satan.”
“He smothers his hot dog in ketchup.”
“His favorite pastime is lighting orphanages on fire and laughing.”
“He uses the wrong fork for his salad.”
“He once tried to poison a reservoir with nerve toxin just to distract Batman.”
“He’s a Democrat.”
For the record, I, Guffy Conservative, do not hate Obama (per the “love your enemies” and other verses in the Bible). But I do hate his policies.
Also, all of Frank J.’s above quotes are guaranteed to be as fact-based as Rush Limbaugh racist “quotes.”
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Posted in Favorite Quotes, Frank J., Harvey, Humor, IMAO, Obama, Presidents, Ridicule, Rush Limbaugh | Tagged: 680, arrogant, arrogant opinion, barack, barack h obama, barack hussein obama, barack obama, Bible, broadcasting, By The Bible, christian, conservative, eib, excellence, excellence in broadcasting, for, frank, frank j, guffy, guffy conservative, guffychristian, guffyconservative, harvey, hudson, hussein, IMAO, imao.us, in my arrogant opinion, jr, junior, limbaugh, michael, michael limbaugh, monkey, news, news talk, news talk 680, newstalk, newstalk 680, nobama, Obama, opinion, p4p, practice, programming, Programming 4 Practice, programming for practice, rush, rush hudson limbaugh, Rush Limbaugh, rush limbaugh show, sarah, sarah k, sarahk, show, space, spacemonkey, talk, The Bible, the rush limbaugh show, wptf | Leave a Comment »
Posted by guffyconservative on 10/20/2009
If you didn’t know, Paul Shanklin does a lot of the song parodies that air on The Rush Limbaugh Show.
Without further ado, Recession:
Wooooooo
.
Every time the DOW drops, I feel more certain that you trust me.
Every time you see me, you feel more certain that I care.
Higher unemployment makes Rahm Emanuel so happy.
Pushing an agenda that otherwise would really scare.
(Recession) Best way to start (Recession) warming my heart (Recession) you’re trusting me.
.
Every time you hear me, I’ll say there may be no tomorrow.
Unless I control the means of production, there will still be endless night.
Media is with me, reporting all the awful sorrow.
And they will be too late if you realize I wasn’t right.
(Recession) Best way to start (Recession) warming my heart (Recession) you’re trusting me.
.
So, darling, if you love me, don’t worry; I’ll be back tomorrow.
Back to push these foolish, foolish things into your mind,
Offer hope and say, “Hold on just a little longer.
We promise to move swiftly as long as, uh, love is black.”
(Recession) Best way to start (Recession) warming my heart (Recession) you’re trusting me?
.
Uh, we promise to do the things that, uh, we’re going through to, uh, fix things.
We can fix everything! Uh, it should only take, uh, about eight years!
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