GC Random Thoughts

Turns out Carrie Underwood is a vegetarian. Didn’t know that was possible for country singers.

What’s next? Hank Williams as an advocate for gun control?

I thought of another name for the Second Amendment: The US reboot button.

Why is kindergarten the hardest grade to spell? Seems backwards.

I’m thankful that electrons travel at the speed of light. If they traveled at, say, the speed of sound, imagine the lag in internet chat.

And programmed timeout wait times would be ridiculous.

And God forbid you attempt VOIP. Or *shudder* gaming.

Random Thought:

I was just looking through an old Spam post and I found this:

Dentist Boca Raton

“Whether is belts or sunglasses, the accessories are the key. In today’s fashion, keeping up to the latest is become a challenge, a expense for sure. Quality cost quite a lot these days.”

It’s “an expense”, not “a expense.” I feel that’s the most glaring grammatical flaw here. And, yes, it is such a challenge keeping up to the latest. I mean, how am I supposed to know what brand of steel-toed boots are in vogue?

May I ask what this has to do with dentistry?

I don’t know how I missed it, but the poster’s name means “Dentist Mouth Rat”. Yeah. I totally want him/her/it working on my teeth.

GC Random Thoughts

I never tell the truth. Except for that statement. And that one. And that one. And that one… no wonder honesty’s the best policy.

Johnny was a chemist’s son,

but Johnny is no more.

What Johnny thought was H2O

was H2SO4.

StarCraft 2: “War is coming… In all its glory… And all its horror.”

Slogans that didn’t make the cut:

• War is coming… and it aint what it used to be
• Like the original StarCraft, but with the number 2.
• Yay violence!
• StarCraft overwhelming
• Modify the StarCraft variance
• StarCraft 2: It’ll black sheep your wall

Yo’ mama’s so fat, she’s surfing a .eu site with one hand and a .us site with the other.

Missouri is trying to block Obamacare mandates. Basically, they’re saying “Umm… about that little ole Tenth Amendment… Yeah, don’t mess with it.”

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me! Fool me three times, I’m pitied by Mr. T.

“The mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work unless it’s open.” It also doesn’t slow down.

“The best mind-altering drug is truth.” Therefore, Truth should be regulated and taxed.

“Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry.” Also, never forgot to ask for non-sequential bills in small denominations.

“If you are not part of the cure, then you are part of the problem.” Therefore, you must be eliminated.

“The best things in life are not things.” They’re digital.

“Revenge is a poison meant for others, which we end up swallowing ourselves,” which is a pretty stupid thing to do. Avengers are klutzes.

Ninja have begun playing baseball. May God have mercy on our pastime.

GC Random Thoughts

One of the greatest feelings in the world is realizing you don’t have to go to work today.

One of the worst is answering the phone and hearing “You were supposed to be here five minutes ago.”

Anyone else think it’s l33t that the Declaration of Independence has 1337 words? (Reply: 4NY0N3 31$3 7h!Nk !7′$ 1337 7h47 7h3 d3c14R47!0N 0f !Nd3p3Nd3Nc3 h4$ 1337 w0Rd$?)

Apparently, Obama’s done such catastrophic damage to the economy that his henchman has been forced to rob banks to fund their secret project above one of the moons of Endor.

M.I.T. Scientists Split The Smithereen http://onion.com/a1bmU5

Racism flow chart

Racism.

More racism.

Racism for Dummies.

‘Islamic Radicalism’ Phrase to Be Removed from Obama’s National Security Documents. I’m assuming they’ll replace it with “right-hemisphere extremism”.

GC Random Thoughts

Randall Munroe has a point. If airport security confiscates your laptop, you know who to blame.

Why do I bother trying to argue against the “RACIST!”-cryers attacking Limbaugh? Oh, yeah! Because it’s so fundamental to them that the entire far-left ideology falls apart if you disprove it.

It also falls apart if you look at it funny.

Or any other way.

SCAAC reached a new visitor record on Friday with forty-five views. This was shortly followed by Sunday which, with two views, is tied for the second-to-slowest day of the month. I feel both triumphant and betrayed.

Unlike most people, I have fond memories of the academic part of high school. Like the time my teacher broke math.

If you’re mowing your lawn and you find a house, you might be a redneck. (True story!)

If said house has a wall ripped out by a bear, you might be a redneck.

If said bear is going through your trash and you’re going outside with a baseball bat, you might not be a redneck much longer.

Why do scientists accept as fact a theory that, by its very nature, will require many thousands or millions of years before it can be proven?

This blog was created by a random explosion.

Sometimes my managers at Bojangles try to speak Spanish to the Hispanic employees. They end up just speaking English with the grammar of a three-year-old.

I, on the other hand, proudly end up speaking Spanish with the grammar of a three-year-old.

Is it just me, or were the “facts” cited by the Clintonite on Hannity Tuesday night completely made-up?

I’m going to start quoting facts of similar reliability: “new poll shows 90% of Ameicans disapprove of Obama.”

“New study reveals all Democrats are murderers.”

“All Muslims, practicing and non, are terrorists.”

I hope something shiny distracts Obama and ACORN during the census.

Bush ought to take one for the team and do something really stupid for just that purpose. Let’s face it, the mainstream media can’t make him out to be any more of an idiot than they already have.

In response to Obama’s refusal to appear on FOX, i hereby refuse to appear on any major news network but FOX.

There will be no more SCAAC posts if I win a million dollars from McDonald’s.

GC Random Thoughts

(These are SCAAC originals – not stolen from Frank J.):

If liberals love socialism so much, why are they still here?

Oh, right. Europe doesn’t have any conservatives to fuel it.

Guns don’t kill people. Except for whatever shoots Bullet Bill.

Avoid pregnancy with Abstinence! 24-hour pregnancy avoidance! No pills, no drugs, no trip to the store! 9-month money-back guarantee!*

.

*Offer void in cases of conception by Holy Spirit

If Republicans are racist, why does Robert Byrd hate us so much?

And why is Michael Steele our chairman instead of Byrd?

Former Coca-Cola executive Charles Morrison said “I’ll tell you what it takes [to be successful] – being white, that’s what!” only to look in the mirror and shout “What the what?!”

Parents of Democrats must really hate their kids. What kind of middle name is Hussein? Or Rodham?

Though I gotta admit that “Herbert-Walker” isn’t the best name, either.

If Texas secedes and a war starts, where is the US going to get the troops who will fire on Texans?

Is it too late to deny statehood to California?

How about Hawaii?

Let’s see your birth certificate now, Mr. Obama!

If at first you don’t succeed, vote for a liberal.

I always felt weird saying “they” in Jesus Loves Me when I was a kid. I was a “little child” and I fell under “red or yellow; black or white.” It’s like taking self-reference lessons from Dobby.

I read something on Facebook saying Swift will be hosting SNL. It confirmed that she will be doing a musical performance. In other news, water is wet!

Not that I’m complaining, but I haven’t seen a whole heck of a lot of “change” since January.

And I already had “hope” – in the real Messiah.

Jesus loves me, this I know Obama hates me, this I know…

When Life gives you lemons, save them and squirt lemon juice in the Grim Reaper’s eye. Tell him Life told you to do it. Then, he’ll go pick a fight with Life and forget that you were supposed to die.

A bird in the hand will try to peck you. Those two in the bush probably won’t.

When was the last time you actually heard of someone hunting birds with stones? And has anyone ever actually gotten two birds with one stone?

“Try or try not. There is no do. Do. Doo-doo. Hehehe.” -Drunk Yoda

Try saying this five times fast: A Tweeter tweeted more tweets than Tweety taught he twought.

Random Obama Musing

I don’t watch any sort of fighting/wrestling sport, but my roommate does, and I heard the TV mention this when he was watching a fight.

It got me thinking, who could Obama beat in eight seconds? Insectoids don’t count. A baby, maybe? Actually, Obama wouldn’t fight a baby, he’d just find the mother and have her killed before he’s even born.

On the flip side, who could beat Obama in eight seconds? Let me think…

• Jackie Chan
• Bruce Lee
• Any black belt
• Any brown belt
• Sean Hannity
• George Bush
• George Bush Sr.
• Fred Thompson
• Rush Limbaugh
• Me
• Any white belt
• Force-less Palpatine
• Charles Xavier after an injection of “the cure”
• Billy Weir from the time immediately after everyone woke up (he was comatose)

Anyone else?