A while ago, Frank J. wrote an essay about his plan for world peace. I’ll give you a hint – it combines the capabilities and research of NASA with the products developed in the Manhattan Project.
But upon stumbling across this infograph, I believe I have found an even better solution. You see, nuking the moon is all well and good for intimidating terrorists, but it still leaves us with the problem of that giant monstrosity of a rock hanging over our heads, moving our large bodies of water at will and constantly causing people to turn into wolves for some unknown reason. How do we get rid of this unruly and presumptuous neighbor? That’s right, we destroy it with a planet-killing battle station!
Now, I know what those of you who like this idea are thinking; “We’ll never get the general public to agree to build something called the ‘Death’ Star.” You’re probably right. But, see, unlike Alderaan, there’s no life on the moon, so there’s really no need to call it the “Death” Star. Rather, since it would firmly establish world peace and get rid of a neighbor who has a Wilson-like tendency to hide his face from us, we could call it something more appropriate, like “Neighborhood Watch Planetoid of World Peace.” Doesn’t that roll off the tongue better than “Death Star”?
And I know some of you practically-minded folks are thinking; “Sure it’s a great idea, but nukes are cheap and plentiful (heck, if Second Wave could get their hands on one, why can’t we?) and this battle station sounds expensive.” Nonsense! I mean, yes, it will cost roughly $15,960,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 for the raw materials alone (excluding equipment), but I have personal assurances from President Obama that this will not add “one dime” to the deficit. In fact, not only will it get rid of our loony neighbor, but it will create and/or save thousands of jobs (Wookiee slave labor excepted, of course).
But there are probably some naysayers among you (and some non-equestrian pessimists as well) who are thinking about what the effects of such an explosion would be on our home planet. You’re probably thinking that there will be billions or trillions of meteorites laying waste to a large portion of the globe. I have a simple, two-part response to that concern:
- We wait until the moon is over some place unimportant, like Antartica or the Ukraine (seriously, it just bugs me that that place is so hard to hold on to in Risk).
- WHY ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT FREE MOON ROCKS?!
Clearly, my plan is the world’s best hope for world peace. So if you don’t support it, you’re just an ignorant peon bitterly clinging to your giant space-rock!
