IMAO Frank Advice For Life
Posted by guffyconservative on 10/09/2009
“Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. For arch-nemeses, you should consider getting a place together. Just be warned, though, that he may not always pony up his half the rent since he is trying to destroy you.”
“Always stand up for your principles. Like, if you’re sitting with friends talking about stuff and your principles come up, stand up before you mention them. That lets people know they’re important. It’s dangerous on a Ferris wheel, though.”
“Scientific research comparing sticking with your friends through thick and thin versus abandoning them in their time of need and finding new friends shows that the latter has significant cost savings.”
“Never listen to naysayers; they might just be horses. And if they ask for a shrubbery, they might actually be ni-sayers.”
“A penny saved is pretty pointless. Pennies are worthless. You’ll get much more value out of them chucking them at squirrels.”
“When life gives you lemons, ask to see the receipt to make sure life didn’t shoplift them. Basically what I’m saying is that life is a liar and a thief so don’t trust it or its free gift of lemons.”
“The smartest man knows exactly how stupid he is.”
“Always stand strong in the face of adversity. And if that doesn’t scare it away, trying waving your arms and shouting.”
“Don’t let anyone tell you what you can’t do, whether they be a physicist, a psychiatrist, or a police officer.”
“Every cloud has a silver lining, thus silver-lined clouds are quite common and thus economically worthless. Keep waiting for the much rarer gold-lined cloud.”
“No matter how bleak things may appear, there is no such thing as a situation so desperate that you can’t somehow rig together a shiv.”
“Always give a 110% to everything you do unless you think it’s stupid or you’re a bit sleepy.”
“If you’re being attacked by a midget, the last thing you should do is duck.”
“You can really hurt your hand punching a dog in the face because of their big bony snouts. Only punch pugs.”
